I honestly don't want anyone to hear about my pain, neither me helping teenagers with issues they can't solve. But, this is the only way since I am chicken to go to therapy, or call a hotline number. My 9th grade year has been the worst I've ever faced. I nearly got held back in biology and geography, my mother and father's relationship has only been creating more and more distance, and worst of all I had to deal with two mental teenagers who called me their "brother." This was all before Ube was made. To begin, my mother and father have almost been yelling and arguing with each other for 1 quarter of my school straight. One night was so bad my father kicked out my mom which made her spend the night at a hotel in the city nearby. Even better, it was all about a disagreement with a carpet (I even had to wake up super early just to sneak into her closet and get her things without alerting my father). I had a tough time in biology, I couldn't memorize what I needed before a test, I could barely even grasp the main concepts of each chapter (tutoring didn't even help me). Geography I was doing well, but in the course project I did bad in. Who would've known that searching for issues in the Russian government could be a pain. Last those two people in a previous journal, Jeffery and Carlton (they were girls so idfc), I have practically no memory of them anymore. All I remember was that every night they would just have nervous breakdowns and they come to me just to soothe them. This all built up inside of me until one day my father had to go drop off my brother and sister to school because my school started later. It was only my mother and me in the house. She told me that she was just... tired of everything that has been going on. She told me that she needed to spend a day or more away because she couldn't deal with my father and my siblings and I. I took this as an act of abandonment. I honestly tried to keep my cool. I told her that I am not the person to talk about problems with. She then began to talk about how bad my dad was and then, something inside of me just broke. I lost it and I went on telling her how she thinks that she's everything and how she's better over everyone just because she's Ilocano, but she's not. How she ended up working at a dead end job as a hospice agent and how she isn't rich like other sucessful people. If she was then I'd give her that, but she's not so don't even talk as if you're some billionare in Dubai. She began crying, crying hard. Eventualy she said that she refused to drop me off and how she wanted me to stay back from her. My father came back not too soon and he saw everything. I told him the situation and then he looked at me, furious. He continuously called me stupid and an idiot. I just lost my senses and I began laughing hesterically to the both of them. I also began crying too. I said that I've had it with everything I I couldn't take it, and how I just wanted to commit suicide. My mom just kept crying and my father yelled, "BULLSHIT." Funny thing was, this was all before my biology finals. After all of the late night breakdown texts, to the arguing, to even the stress from school, and every day in the counsler's office led me going to my counsler telling her that I can't go to biology class. I told her everything of that morning. I told her that I can't take it anymore, how my father would always yell at my mother, to the emotional abuse my father lut me through. I told her how whenever they yelled I always suggested to them to hit me just so I can be sent away to a foster home. After all of this, I've matured much more, and I've become more devoted to my goals in the future, but I have lost my ability to trully sympathize with other people and to feel sadness and sorrow, and to deal with emotionally unstable people. And I still believe to this day that all of this happened was for me not being able to learn between dicipline and abuse, and how I never learn from my mistakes due to my stubborness.
If you read all of this, I hope it explained why I was absent for a while, why I became an emo, and why I changed from my happy, care free self.